Eric is a 5-year-old kid of Mr. and Mrs. Melinda. It was a breakfast time at the house and Eric spilled soup all over his father’s shirt, who was ready to leave for office. As usual, the father shouted at the kid but instead of apologizing, (as expected from the etiquettes taught to the kids while they grow) Eric threw the spoon at a distance with anger and left the dining area. Mrs. Melinda had to face Mr. Melinda’s anger and so the morning of this family got spoiled after this incidence. This has become a usual seen as the growing Eric is also growing in obstinacy, annoyance, and disobedience. This is precisely called as the power struggle that Mr. and Mrs.Melinda are facing with their kid.
Are you also facing this at your house, as the kids grow they become uncontrolled. They like to conduct in their own way and do not listen to elders? In a way to control your kid you remain tensed and stressed most of the times and you might repeat this sentence often; “yippee! I’m in a power struggle with my kid!”
Let’s get to know some truths about power struggle and ways to overcome the same.
What do you mean by the power struggle with the kid?
It may be that your kid is not listening to you or you feel that you have lost control over your kid. Both are trying to dominate each other in one way or the another. You being in an advantageous position of knowing the surrounding and having a good experience of life, struggle to gain the dominance as much as possible.
What should you keep in your mind in such situation?
From which planet is the guardian who said that ‘never let your child overpower you’? Truly, consider the effect on our mentality towards child rearing in the event that we praised every time we entered a power struggle with our youngster. A sentiment power is critical to every one of us as an essential passionate need. At the point when this need grows, how it creates and what a kid realizes with respect to his energy on the planet is specifically or by implication taught by the guardian. Yes, I am the person who taught my youngster to restrict me along these lines!
What are the general scenarios that we see around us when kids start growing?
Amid the initial two years of life, the youngster figures out how to restrict the guardian. By the age of three, the child more often than not has the aptitude created to such a degree, to the point that a guardian can feel overpowered, overwhelmed, invade and entirely irate and resolved to get this kid to carry on better. Sadly, most well-meaning endeavors by folks to overpower youngsters that are being disobedient come up short. This brings about the guardian to feel regretful, awkward and clumsy. The child normally feels irritated, more in subordinated and keeps on getting out of hand.
Why Do Children Power Struggle?
A feeling of power is an essential social and enthusiastic need. Believe me, until about the age of two, a youngster has next to no feeling of oneself. The child and guardian are “one” in the child’s world. At some place in the second year, the child starts to build up an idea of self-independence from the guardian.
This revelation harmonizes with the acknowledgment that an action will see a reaction of its kind from the other side. Broadly to say that the conduct by the youngster can battle with your conduct! So a child is learning by perception what makes mother or father respond, and this response makes a feeling of power in the kid.
What did I do to cause my child to power struggle with me?
As insane as it sounds, but truth to be told is that we only cause our youngsters to power battle with us! Some of you may protest this thought and for that, I simply request that you stay with me a minute.
The feeblest position you can take is to scold badly at the fault of your kid for their conduct in light of the fact that this stops you at some point of time. In the event that you are force battling with your child and you don’t do anything to precipitate it then you likely can’t transform it either. So, on the off chance that you see the path in which you offered your youngster some help with coming to the conviction that it is fun or satisfies their need to feel capable by contradicting you, you can quit doing that teach reaction.
How can I prevent power struggle with my kid?
Be clear and consistent in your behavior with the kid
You can set simple rules and explain what will happen if your kid does or does not follow it, but in a genuine manner. For example, say, “I’ll read you a good story after you put your sweater on.” Always adhere to it, no matter how much the kid is whining or crying as a result. If you can hold firm the first few times you are trying to establish a pattern of behavior, your child will soon learn that you are not going to give in, so it is no use trying to get you to do so.
Allow a proper routine to deal with your power struggle
Children know what to expect and what is expected of them, which cuts down on arguments only and only when you follow a strict routine. You can give lots of warnings that transitions are coming up, such as a five-minute and one-minute warning that it will be time to stop playing.
The earlier that children learn that you aren’t giving in, the chances of power struggles you will encounter will automatically reduce, not only during the preschool years, but throughout childhood and adolescence phase of your kid’s growth.
Don’t make awkward threats
Now, it is important to mention here that you should not say something that you won’t follow through on, such as, “If you do not come to the dining table right now, I am going to leave you at the park outside.” Making such threats can prevent you from developing a trusting, positive relationship with your child, as well as teaching him that you are not really serious about enforcing consequences.
Recognize your child’s feelings
Also, check that before you ask for help, let your child know you understand how she’s feeling. You can convince saying, “I know you’re upset about having to leave the park, but I really need your help so that I can get home in time to cook us a nice dinner.” Try to improve your behavior for your child as much as you can, especially during a potential power struggle. Try to explain things. And, persuade your child that you will help her with the task that she does not want to do, or at least, get her started.
Watch your tone of voice
This is something really serious here that you need to control yourself in your voice, anger etc. Even when laying down the law, no matter how hard it is, try to remain calm and retain a kind tone in your voice. When you get upset, you are showing your child that he has power over you: if he can’t get you to give him what he wants, at least, he can make you as upset as he is.
Give your child a few options
Make selections simple for your kid. For example, say, “Do you want to eat fruit cake or Choco chips?” Selections help children learn decision-making skills and give them a sense of control over their lives. Just make sure that you can live with either of the choices that you offer your child. Don’t offer a selection and then push your child toward the option you prefer, this will certainly have bad circumstances in the long run.
Utilize wisdom opportunities
You can use a situation that could potentially become a power struggle as a learning opportunity for your child. Instead of lecturing you see a power struggle growing, ask questions, such as,
“How do you think your stomach will feel if you don’t eat breakfast?” And so you can turn the communication to its funnier side.
So happy that you are looking for a solution to it. It’s truly extremely basic. Each time your child acts up specifically, you have to choose how to react, and utilize that identical reaction each and every time your tyke acts mischievously in that same way. In the sample above, I would take a gander at my kid and choose to myself, “Well… what is the best reaction for this age, stage, and conduct?